04.17.09
Posted in Crimes Against Humanity at 5:29 pm by Seth Scrimsher
In this weeks installment of Crimes Against Humanity we have smoking, keys, smoking, dead animals, smoking and brothers showing their love!
April 7
A person reported hitting a deer on Sandy Beach Rd. Why they even keep reporting this I’ll never understand. It’s a weekly occurrence in the village.
Three juveniles were reported smoking near the harbor shack. That brings back memories of being a dumb high school kid and thinking smoking cigarettes would impress Kirsten J.
April 8
A caller reported damage done to their vehicle and possible tank contamination. That brings back memories of being a dumb high school kid and thinking sugar in a gas tank would make Kirsten J’s boyfriend’s car seize up.
A person reported a key stuck in their lock. And the police are going to magic it out for them? What?
A parking citation was issued to a vehicle parked in a handicap space. I’ve always wanted to see someone get a ticket for this. The plight of the handicapped in America is horrific. I can’t imagine what they have to go through each and every day. To see someone taking advantage of them by doing such a despicable thing really gets my… ok… ok… really I’m just jealous that some smarmy bastard got to park closer to the front door by being willing to thumb their nose at the law.
But seriously, stealing a parking spot from the handicapped in Petersburg. I can see this happening in a big city where parking can be a freaking nightmare. You could park at one end of “downtown” Petersburg, walk to the other end of “downtown” and it would take you less time then walking out of most parking garages in Seattle.
An eagle with an injured leg was reported at S Nordic and Marion. How come no one ever calls in to report an injured Pigeon or Seagull.
April 9
A caller reported two juveniles with a bat, bow, and arrow at Hammer Slough. That brings back memories of being a dumb high school kid and thinking Kirsten J. would go out with me if her boyfriend was in the hospital. I blame video games.
A juvenile was reported smoking on N. Nordic. The people of the village sure have an eye for the high crime of juvenile smoking. They are not going to let the little bastards get away with it. Do police even have a call sign for that? “Calling car number 2, we’ve got a possible 11-382 in progress. Use the lights he’s a fast inhaler.”
April 11
A caller reported an individual very upset and yelling loudly at the crane dock. A 911 call later reported two males fighting. Anthony and Franklin Poulsen were both arrested on domestic violence assault charges. The infamous Poulson feud spilled on to the crane dock. Infamous as of today. I’ve had some great fights with my brother but the cops were never involved. A good hard wedgie usually decided the winner. Which I’ll take over a night in jail any day.
April 12
A caller reported a person kicking in their door and assaulting them. No word on if a Poulson family member was involved.
A person reported that someone had shoveled ice chunks into the road. Yes someone in the village considered that enough of a crime to justify calling the police.
April 13
Juveniles were reported smoking on Harbor Way. The little guys keep trying to find a new hiding spot but the local neighborhood watch won’t let them smoke in peace. You could safely walk the streets of downtown Los Angeles naked, with a fist full of hundred dollar bills, in the middle of the night, if the Guardian Angels showed half as much dedication towards fighting crime. We could end world hunger. Save the whales. Balance the budget. Stabilize Iraq.
A suspicious individual was reported on N. Nordic. Suspiciously getting ready to smoke most likely.
A person reported a bunch of kids riding scooters on 8th St. Here at the village we don’t limit ourselves to just making skateboarding a crime.
A person reported a vehicle that went through the traffic light while an emergency vehicle was parking. Yes you did read that correctly “went through THE traffic light”. The village does only have the one. Which only turns on when the big red fire truck wants to get in or out of the garage. Can you really blame the guy for running the light. It’s probably been a childhood dream of his. Now he can compare crazy traffic stories with the big city folk.
Permalink
03.26.09
Posted in Crimes Against Humanity at 3:51 pm by Seth Scrimsher
Every Thursday our local newspaper here in the village of Petersburg publishes the police reports from the previous week. I’ll be posting my favorites each week. In this edition we have eagles dieing and children being children. Just another shocking crime ridden week in the lives of our local police force.
March 17
A caller reported someone cutting wood uphill of Frederick Point Rd. Because nothing screams high crimes quite like someone trying to heat their home.
An injured eagle was reported on Surf St. No details on the injury. Hope the little guy was Ok. I wonder if he made it past 8th and Excel.
A caller reported a group throwing bottles at a truck on N. Nordic. S.W.A.T. should take care of the little bastards.
March 18
A caller reported a vehicle sliding while turning into the post office. Huh. Snow. Ice. Winter. Alaska. Hmmm.
March 19
A caller reported a group of youths throwing snowballs at traffic on Sandy Beach Rd. Either S.W.A.T. failed or there are two groups of young hooligans terrorizing the village.
March 20
A caller reported someone throwing snowballs at their windows on Lumber St. The great 2009 snowball/bottle throwing crimewave continues unabated.
March 21
A warning was issued to a person throwing snowballs at a vehicle. Finally the police crack down on the little criminals. A little police brutality, some torture, a few days in the slammer. Those kids will never break the law again. Wait. What? A warning! Terror reigns over Petersburg for days and a warning was issued!
March 22
A deceased eagle was reported on 8th and Excel. Well that answers that.
Three intoxicated youths were reportedly screaming at passing vehicles. The kinder, gentler harassment of passing vehicles. Huh. Still plenty of snow around. Maybe the stern warning worked after all.
March 23
Charges of DUI, refusal to submit to a breath test, and violating the conditions of release were dropped against S.H. due to his death. Oh Petersburg court system. So quick to forgive. So quick to suspend judgement. To offer one more chance. You’re an inspiration in kindness and charity.
Permalink
03.18.09
Posted in Talking Fish at 5:17 pm by Seth Scrimsher
In honor of this wonderful sight outside my window today I’ve decided to force spring to come to Petersburg by having a Spring Cleaning Sale at Tonka! Use the coupon code SPRING30 when you check out to receive 30% off your entire order now until the end of April. Got to love smoked salmon on a bright sunshiny spring day!
Permalink
03.04.09
Posted in Not Fish at 12:47 pm by Seth Scrimsher
Sure this is supposed to be a blog about fishing in Alaska but this nugget of pure wisdom is so genius that I am doing my part to spread it around the intertubes.
On March 3rd 2009:
Late this afternoon, in keeping with apologies to Rush Limbaugh from Georgia Republican Phil Gingrey and RNC Chairman Michael Steele, Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL) issued the following statement:
“I’m sorry Limbaugh called for harsh sentences for drug addicts while he was a drug addict. I’m also sorry that he’s bent on seeing America fail. And I’m sorry that Limbaugh is one sorry excuse for a human being.”
The Congressman then rejoined his Democratic colleagues in working on cleaning up George W. Bush’s mess.
Reading that statement from Rep. Alan Grayson felt like a ray of pure light was flooding my brain. It was quickly followed by regret that he isn’t the Rep. for Alaska. We could use somebody with that amount of old style gumption around these parts.
You can make your own apology to Rush “that’s my doctors name on that bottle of Viagra I’m bringing back from the Dominican Republic” Limbaugh by going to this handy website:
http://www.dccc.org/content/sorry
Permalink
02.21.09
Posted in Recipes at 1:48 pm by Seth Scrimsher
This isn’t the Super Secret Squirrel way (I would never reveal that for less then $14,578.34). But follow these 5 steps and you’ll be on your way to making smoked salmon that will have your friends mooching off you even more then they already do. ***This is a repost of an older post to jump start my 2009 blogging***
Product:
First and most import are quality and cleanliness. Use only fresh or fresh frozen salmon that is of a high quality. Don’t use that 20 lb water marked gator salmon that was just about ready to spawn-out and die before you caught it up the river. Smoking does not “cover” or “hide” poor quality fish. In fact it will call attention to problem areas, think tight hip hugger jeans. A good rule of thumb is to only smoke fish you would eat fresh.
Preparation:
Make sure your preparation area is clean and sanitary, beg/bribe your mother to come over if need be. Carefully clean and remove all the slime and blood from your fish. Fillet or “split” the fish leaving the skin on. Remove the pin bones down the middle of each fillet with small pair of pliers. Next cut the fillets into equally sized strips, this insures they all finish smoking at the same time. Try to keep both the fish and your preparation room as cool and clean as possible during this time to keep bacteria growth to a minimum.
Brine:
The second step is salting the fish known as brine or brining. Most people prefer to start with a simple brine consisting of salt and water. Start with a basic mixture of 2 ½ cups of salt to each gallon of water. This allows the flavor of the smoke to shine through on your finished strips. Feel free to experiment adding flavors to the brine at this time. For example add a cup of brown sugar or a ¼ cup of soy sauce to your salt water mixture.
It is important that you use only pickling and canning salt, dairy salt, or kosher salt in your brine. Using iodized salt will add impurities and additives that will cause unpleasant flavors in your smoked fish. It is also best to used distilled or bottled water without large amounts of chlorine. You don’t want your salmon tasting like the community pool, or maybe you do, I won’t judge.
Make enough brine to completely cover all of your fish. A three to one ratio is recommended. For example use 30lbs of brine for 10lbs of fish. A gallon of brine will weigh approximately 8lbs so you would need 4 gallons to adequately soak 10lbs of salmon.
If you cut your strips 1 inch thick then the brine time should be right around 2 hours. Here is another step you can alter to personal taste but we have found 2 hours to work best. Make sure your mixture is refrigerated the whole time you are brining. Rinse afterwards to remove excess salt before drying.
Drying:
An important step in smoking your fish is drying it to form a “pellicle” coating. This pellicle coating seals in moisture and helps the smoke stick to the fish. I’m not sure how or why, could be magic, but without it your fish will not smoke properly. To get your pellicle, place your fish in the smoker and let it air dry for 2-3 hours until you notice a tough shiny coat develop. Once the pellicle fairies are done and the coating is visible you are ready to smoke your fish.
Smoking:
Now that you are ready to smoke its time to pick which wood chips to use. You can choose from a variety of hard woods. Fruit woods like apple, plum, etc. will leave a sweeter smoke flavor. Alder, hickory and mesquite leave a sharp smoky taste. We use Alder wood chips on all of our smoked fish at Tonka.
Avoid soft woods like pines, firs, and hemp. These can produce a harsh tasting soot and/or cause you to play nintendo and eat cheetos the rest of the day.
After picking your wood flavor place your salmon in the smoker before you fire it up. The most important secret to delicious smoked salmon every time is to slowly bring the temperature up in stages over the course of several hours. This allows the smoke to permeate the fish and prevents curd from forming.
Once you have slowly brought the internal temperature up to 160 degrees Fahrenheit you should let it continue smoking for an additional 30 minutes. All in all your entire smoking time should last 3-4 hours. The longer you let it smoke the more it will dry out and resemble jerky. Experiment with cooking times to find your personal favorite. Really as long as you have cooked it at 160 degrees for at least 30 minutes your salmon is safe to eat.
It may seem complicated at first but it will become routine after a few tries. Be sure to keep notes and records (preferably not in crayon on a used napkin) as you learn what brine mixes, smoke times, and drying times work best for your individual tastes.
Smoking fish is a great way to spend a lazy summer afternoon while fooling people into thinking you are working hard. Grab a bottle of wine or a case of beer and spend the day hiding from responsibility. Be warned though, the smell and the smoke will bring people running faster then paparazzi chasing B list pantie-less celebrities. Of course you could just have us do all the work and ship you some of the best damn smoked salmon ever.
Permalink
07.02.08
Posted in Talking Fish at 10:39 am by Will Ware
This summer we’ve tried another new product that we are beginning to have some success with. Whole Cooked Dungeness Crab is a product that Washington and Oregon wholesalers have been crying for so far this season. Apparently the Washington and Oregon crab season seasons haven’t produced the amount or quality that we can offer out of Southeast.
With that said, their demand for this product is to your benefit. We have whole cooked crab for sale at $10 per crab. Season closes in a little more than a month, so get em while we have em.
Permalink
07.01.08
Posted in Talking Fish at 11:42 am by Will Ware
We have this old timer who fishes King Salmon for us each summer. He’s got to be well into his 80’s and fishes on a little boat with a hard hat on. He came in the other day after a few days of fishing straight and told us he was a little tired and going to take the next off. The next day while driving down the road, I saw him out mowing his lawn and tending his garden. Tough old guy!
He comes from the old school of fisherman who when taking a break, never really do take a break.
Tom has probably forgotten more about fishing and how to catch King Salmon than most fisherman will ever really learn.
So…Tom, our hats are off to you. And while you will probably never read this blog, we salute you and say keep reeling ‘em in.
Permalink
06.13.08
Posted in Talking Fish at 4:20 pm by Will Ware
Well here’s the update on the T-Shirt bet that Seth and I have running. You’ll remember from a previous post that Seth didn’t think that these T-Shirts would sell out before Christmas. Well…due to aggressive selling and lots of presents for my family and friends, we are placing another order already as we are nearly out.
Permalink
Posted in Talking Fish at 1:00 pm by Will Ware
It’s been a while since we’ve posted. We’ve been busy working on King Salmon this past month. Just to give you a little idea of what I mean when I say King Salmon…we have three different fisheries for King Salmon…technically two, but it really seems like three.
First, we’ve been buying and selling Stikine Kings. You can learn a little about them from previous posts. However, they are big, bright, beautiful gillnet Kings that are gaining popularity in Seattle wholesale and retail/restaurant markets. Just this morning I heard a piece on our local radio regarding a restaurant chain in Seattle selling them exclusively as their salmon dish.
Second, we’ve been moving Ocean Run Troll Kings. These are the cream of the crop so to speak salmon that demands the high prices and is guaranteed to make the customer appreciate fine salmon dining.
Finally, we buy Blind Slough Troll Kings. These are hatchery or terminal Kings that are caught out of small day boats and delivered daily. These Kings have nice color at the beginning of the run, but quickly gain what we call water marks, or beginning stages of darkening of the skin due to the salmon hitting the fresh water at the start of the river. These Kings too have great value, just not the quality of Ocean Run Trolls.
With that all said, we have plenty of King Salmon available at incredible prices, perfect for the weekend bbq. Give us a call, we ship anywhere in the US.
1888 560 3662
Permalink
05.13.08
Posted in Talking Fish at 2:37 pm by Will Ware
Here is a photo of Tonka Seafoods famous King Crab Legs. These amazing legs weigh in at approximately one pound each and they’re fully cooked too!
I wanted to write a nice, lengthy blog about them, but I figured the picture would sell it better than words would.
Permalink
« Previous entries
